shane i worry.

Shane,

I worry about you. I have come to find out that this is just what I do as a mommy.

Before you were born I worried that you were too small. I worried if I didn’t feel you kick “12” times in your most active hour that something was wrong. I worried I didn’t eat enough(hence to 47 lbs. I gained with you :/). I worried that if I took a bath that you would boil. I worried that if I had caffeine you would have ADD & it would be all my fault. I worried that you wouldn’t be okay while I was giving birth. I worried your entire birth that your heart rate would never stabilize.

And then after you were born I worried some more-I worried you would just stop breathing( & I would wake up every hour just to make sure you were still breathing). I worried your swaddling blanket would suffocate you. I worried that you weren’t eating enough. I worried that you would never roll over. I worried that you weren’t big enough. I worried that someone would drop you & that someone would be me! I worried that your eyes would never focus- you were crossed-eyed for awhile there. I worried that you spit up too much. I worried that you would never let me get sleep again-(haha, but you did & I am so proud of you for that :)! )

Now, I worry that you are still not eating enough. I worry if I am giving you enough vegetables- you like fruit so much better & sometimes it is just easier. I worry that I am not reading to you enough. I worry that I let you watch TV it is only baby einstein & it is only every once in awhile, but I still worry! I worry that you aren’t growing fast enough. I worry that I do not pray for you enough. I worry that I am not a good enough mom for you. I worry that you are bored. I worry that you will get sick. I worry that you will bump your head on our fireplace of DEATH-all brickΒ  & sharp corners make for a dangerous spot for a baby to be playing! Don’t worry though because I surround it with pillows every morning :)

But, after all this worrying I have come to realize that it is not my job to worry about you- you are God’s & He has given you to me as a gift here on earth to take care of & even though SO MANY times I am tempted to worry, worry, worry I need to just let go of my worries & give them to God. I have to remind myself of this every day-!Β  My concern for you will never stop because you are part of me- you have my heart & that will never change, but to the best of my ability I am trying to stop worrying about so many things. I love you little man & I want to be the best mommy I can be for you!

xoxox,

Your mommy

Philippian 4:6 ” Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God “

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